TEARS UPDATE

I know that you all wait with bated breath to hear about all the things that drive me to tears. Luckily for you, it has been a momentous four days for my tear ducts. Thanks, Catfish and Never Let Me Go!

If you are planning on seeing Catfish, heed its advertising campaign and DO NOT let anyone tell you what it is. When they say in the trailer that is is like a Hitchcock film, they’re not joking. It may not be the most surprising reveal, but it is pretty powerful stuff. And a somewhat critical look at the ease with which we put our lives on the internet, blah, blah, blah. I cried in earnest. And that Nev Schulman is just so darn cute!

THE TRAILER EVENT OF A GENERATION

I AM SO EXCITED THAT I MAY WRITE THIS WHOLE ENTRY IN CAPS. EXCEPT THAT READING ALL CAPS ACTUALLY KIND OF HURTS MY EYES, SO I’LL JUST LET YOU KNOW IN THESE FOUR LINES THAT THE ENTIRETY OF THIS POST IS WRITTEN IN A STATE OF CAPS-WORTHY EXCITEMENT.

If you have ever even been in the same room as me for more than twelve seconds you probably know that I am obsessed with Harry Potter. So Monday was like Christmas for me because Warner Bros. released the trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I say it was like Christmas because the actual date(s) of release of the film will be like Thanksgiving, which is the best holiday of the year because it is centered around FOOOOOOD (which is probably my second favorite thing, after Harry Potter). Anyway, here it is:

Defending my man.

Clearly I am a master of Microsoft Paint.

So, on Friday the trailer for Charlie St. Cloud, my husband Zac Efron’s first big dramatic role, was released.

Now, I know that I have a serious bias, but I really want to see it. I know that there is some serious cheese in this movie, but… c’mon. Zac Efron. I’m pretty curious to see what he can do when the role entails more than being charming. And it doesn’t look too terrible! Even the LA Times says so!

Now, it being the first dramatic role of a teen idol, Charlie St. Cloud has drawn some early comparison with another similar vehicle, Robert Pattinson’s movie Remember Me that was released earlier this year. Now, as I said before, I am biased, but I honestly think that it would be hard for Charlie St. Cloud to suck as much as the cinematic turd that was Remember Me.

Hello, snow.

Kathy's favorite picture.

Zac Efron, whose film choices dictate all my life decisions (like that time I fell into a river and emerged 17 years younger/put on an absolutely infeasible high school play/was related to instant alcoholic C. Thomas Howell) is set to play a drug runner in an upcoming remake of the Swedish movie Snabba Cash.

This obviously means that I will become a drug runner. MAYBE THEN HE’LL REALIZE THAT WE’RE MEANT TO BE.

Because, seriously, Vanessa Hudgens? She’s awful.

Please watch that video. You will not regret it… well, maybe a little, but it’s hilarious.

Approximately 57 hours.

(Just so you know, the Oscar website has a countdown, I’m not crazy/mathematically proficient enough to do that on my own.)

So Oscar/Independent Spirit Awards weekend is upon us! I encourage you all to watch the Spirit Awards on Friday night if you can, because they are way more entertaining than the Oscars. (And JOHNNY WEIR will be there!) The winners are allowed to speak for however long they want, and they aren’t censored. I believe I have posted this before, but it is worth revisiting, if only to convince you that magic can happen at the Spirits:

They’re also worth a watch because sometimes an independent feature gets wide release the following year and garners some mainstream awards attention. One such film? Oscar Best Picture favorite The Hurt Locker. Jeremy Renner and Anthony Mackie were nominated for Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor, respectively (and lost to Mickey Rourke and James Franco, respectively). But who really knows if this year’s Spirits and next year’s Oscars will have any overlap.

Keep reading if you care to know what I think will win on Sunday, on what I hope will win.

5 days.

Less than a week until the Oscars. Will it be boring? Yes. Will it be stupid? Yes. Will I love every second of it? Inexplicably, YES.

Later this week I’ll post my list of ideal winners, and my list of probable winners (which sadly will likely have little overlap). So stay tuned.

What got me thinking about all this was the cover of this week’s New Yorker. Now, I am no great fan of that magazine, but occasionally I really enjoy their cover art. Pardon the poor quality of the picture, which I took on my phone at work:

If you click on it you can view it larger, but it’s characters from the ten nominated films all reaching for an Oscar in the center. It’s kind of funny. Were Oscar races actually to be decided like this, my money would be on Avatar or District 9. Precious ain’t got shit in a fight.

And don’t send anything weird to my job.

Don’t see these movies.

Don’t spend your money on this movie. Unless you see it with friends and don’t mind being those people talking in the theater.

OH. NO.

Bad news everybody. I thought that the virus of The Twilight Saga would be contained, and that they would adapt the four books of Stephenie Meyer’s breathtakingly retarded series into four films. But, in a move similar to what Warner Bros. has done with the (infinitely better) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the fourth installment, Breaking Dawn will be made into two movies.

Despite my incessant whining about these books, I actually have read them all. Both because even though they are TERRIBLY written, they are really addictive, and because I can now cite specific examples of why the series is so bad. I can hardly imagine Breaking Dawn as one movie, let alone two. Some reasons why (beware, spoilers ahead):

A silver lining.

There are so many things that are irritating about the nominee list for this year’s Academy Awards: that Nine earned even one award, that Harry Potter earned only one (and it wasn’t even best movie of ever. Ridiculous, right?), that Matt Damon was nominated for a really bland part, that FUCKING THE BLIND SIDE is nominated for Best Picture…

You know that I could rattle off the list and deliver a ten minute rant about each category. YOU KNOW I COULD. But in the interest of remaining calm instead of attacking my  computer at work, I will direct you here for the full list of nominees, and remain focused on the positive.

Don’t cross me, Ryan Gosling.

 

via fuckyeahryangosling.tumblr.com

 

Now, I know what you’re thinking: why would anyone ever speak so harshly to dear, dear baby goose?

The answer is that Ryan Gosling was one of the first names that came up when I googled “members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences”.  And I have an ultimatum to deliver.

Ryan Gosling, if the egregious error of naming Avatar Best Picture at the Golden Globes is repeated at the Oscars, you will look like that picture up there. I will personally attend to that.

It’s not that Avatar wasn’t enjoyable, but I believe Roger Ebert said it best: “All hail ‘Avatar,’ yes, but the year’s best picture? Give me a f–king break.“

You know what’s at stake, Gosling. Don’t fuck this up.

Also, really, Sandra Bullock over Carey Mulligan, Gabourey Sidibe, Helen Mirren, and Emily Blunt? Okay, sure, Hollywood Foreign Press. Suuuure.